Dear Day Off Clouds,

I have noticed recently that it seems to be gloomy on all of my days off.

JUST LOVELY.

Gloomy and alot of time to sit and think. What a perfect combination for me.

On days I'm working, I don't mind a little cumulo-nimbus above my head. In fact, I encourage it. The weather is more likely to be cool and when your job is nicer when its cool out, it makes for a pleasant work day.

But on days off. Well, I want sun. I want sun and plans. And I wanna not sit at home thinking that it's completely impossible that you'll ever want me again. I wanna not think of Sam touching you. That thought makes me naucious. I wish...well I wish a whole lot of things but foremost I guess I wish I wasn't scared then. I wish I hadn't've freaked myself out. I wish I would've been ready.

I can't do anything about that now I guess. I want so intensely to tell you how I feel. To tell or show. But you're not making either of those easy. I suppose in hindsight, it shouldn't be so easy. I screwed up, and if the chickFlicks tell us anything, its that the guy will have a hard time redeeming himself. But I'm trying.

I also have to accept the possibility that you don't want me anymore. That even some grand gesture would fall on deaf ears because nothing I can do can make you feel for me again. I think that is probably what is holding me back. Because I've done/been  this/here before and it caused some serious self-confidence issues. I wanna jump into it with you, lay all my cards down. But its quite possible rejection would tear me apart. But if it worked and you still had feelings for me, that would make it worth it.

Both sides are steep. I have to realize both sides are probably steep for you too. So once again, we're here. Between the realms of confidence and fear, stuck in the center.

I wish these clouds would get lost.